goefflazerramsey:

;; Geoff couldn’t do anything but stare. Ryan looked worried, regretful, even, and it was getting to him more than he would like to admit. This all was affecting him more than he would like to admit. Ryan was fucking everything up.

;; Before, he was able to just push all of his feelings aside and just focus on work. He’d catch himself staring, or making a joke that went too far, but that was the brunt of it. Never before was he forced to face the firing squad like he was now. He couldn’t even bring himself to smile at Ryan’s joke. “Can’t you just keep your fucking mouth shut?” Geoff spat, knuckles white from gripping the armrests of the chair. 

;; This wasn’t easy to explain. And this certainly wasn’t how he had pictured this conversation going. He took another deep breath, tried to calm himself down again before speaking. “I- fuck, sorry. You just can’t say shit like that with no warning.” Geoff wished this were easier for him, or that he were actually capable of handling bullshit like this responsibly. It was better when he could ignore this or get drunk and forget it.

;; “I can’t do this. I’m not going to get you wrapped up in me. I can’t disappoint another person and have them tell me that I failed them. You sure as fuck don’t want anything to do with me, Ryan.”

He couldn’t quite tell why Geoff was acting the way he was. He didn’t want to yell at Geoff, he didn’t want Geoff upset in the slightest. It stressed him out even further knowing that he was troubling Geoff this much. Before Ryan could apologize more for his actions, Geoff interrupted his thought process.

Fail me? What is he even talking about? If anyone was going to fail in this relationship, it would be me.

He could practically feel something inside of him snap, “Hey, hey, listen to me. I’m not gonna let you chose for me. Not this time– Not about this.” Ryan leaned forward, his features probably growing more intimidating than he’d like. “Bullshit you’re going to ’disappoint me.’ Are you fucking serious right now, Geoff? Do you even know me?” Ryan shook his head, pausing for a moment to think. “If you show me one person I’d rather be with– who doesn’t have a flaw about the way they handle a relationship– I will listen to you.”

“Until then, you’re stuck with me and my shitty feelings. I..” His chest rose and fell nervously. “I’ve loved you since day one. You’re my best friend– And I’ve loved you as a best friend for years, Geoff. It’s just taken time for me to realize exactly what kind of love it was.” Ryan bit his lip, his emotions practically spilling out of him. “If you want me to fuck off– I fucking will. But these feelings I have for you, Geoff– They’re real.” He felt hopeless, distressed. But he felt so motivated to prove Geoff wrong about himself. “Fuck, Geoff. It scares me sometimes knowing how much I’d give up, just for you.” An angry sigh shot out through his nose, “I’m always going to have these feelings for you.” He stopped, his brain telling him to shut his mouth while he still could. “I’m.. I’m in love you with you, Geoff. And it fucking sucks.” He was almost breathless, the anxiety of the rush fueling him with every passing second. “Because I can’t do a single thing about it until you let me in.”